My dad and I talked about my book tonight and I think I know what I need to do to finish it. I have to go back a few pages and rewrite what I already have. That will solve the “I’ve painted them into a corner, now what I do” kind of problem I’ve been having and will let me finally get the rest of the story on paper. Whether it will be any good or not is not my concern right now. Finishing it is enough for me to worry about at the moment.
I have a question…
When someone says something hurtful to you and then says, “Oh, I’m just kidding” do you assume they were being truthful the first time or the second? I know I’m a bit paranoid, but I usually believe the first statement. I think that people tend to say what they are really feeling and then cover it with the “I’m kidding” comment. It frees them up to say something impolite, but true. A friend of mine performs in local venues and I truly enjoyed going to watch him. But, even though I’ve asked to be kept informed about when and where he’s performing, I never get the schedule. When I asked about it, I asked if they did it on purpose because they don’t like having me there (they have not seemed to enjoy my company when I have gone in the past.)
They said, “You figured us out… it took you long enough.” Then, of course, came the “Oh, we’re just kidding” comment, but still no schedule information. Am I just being paranoid? I honestly don’t know. I do know that I won’t ask again, and I won’t go even if asked. I have spent my life not being wanted, it is impossible for me to trust that I am wanted now. It’s a lot easier to stay home and write.
Then again, how will I ever handle the rejection that will inevitably come when I try to get published.