When I first got on the internet, I loved the anonymity. I could be anyone I wanted to be and I took full advantage of that, and I was hardly alone. Things have changed, and now it’s next to impossible to hide behind a cryptic username or anonymous email. Employers are asking for Facebook passwords during interviews. Singles are Googling prospective partners before the first date. Angry exes can find out more about you online than Sam Spade ever could.
All of which makes me a little nervous and it inspired this post. A couple of weeks ago I listed 10 things you might not know about me. Today I want to talk about the things you might know about me that I wish you didn’t.
1) I have more dogs than friends. I care more about my dogs than I do about most people, in fact, I would rather spend an afternoon with my dog and a book than with the most fascinating person I know. I worry that you might think I don’t care about you and am not a good friend, sister or daughter. It’s not that you aren’t important to me. It’s just that it’s impossible not to love Harley, Scooter and Pixie more. Have you met Harley? If you had, you’d understand.
2) I am not a supermodel. In fact, I would be more at home on the Biggest Loser than on America’s Next Top Model. I prefer chocolate cake over broccoli and my idea of exercise is anything that doesn’t involve sleeping. I worry that you might think I’m lazy and gluttonous. Ok, maybe I am, a little, but there are worse things. I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs and I am healthier than I have any right to be. Plus, I’m working on my health and I’m improving all the time.
3) I spend more money on craft supplies than I should and I could easily start my own small craft store without the need to buy any stock. It’s taken me 10-20 years to collect it all and I don’t buy more than I can afford, but I do have more than I really need. I worry that you might think I’m a hoarder. Which I’m not. Really.
4) I’m not young. I am not old, but I’m definitely not young. I can’t remember where I was when Kennedy was shot, but I was alive when it happened, even if just barely. I can remember wondering if the Vietnam war would ever end. I can remember black and white TV. I can remember when low-risers and bell-bottoms were the height of fashion. I have used the phrase, “Kids these days” more than once, and not ironically. This worries me because you might think I’m no longer sharp enough to do my job or take care of myself. I am and I can.
5) I’m a big kid at heart. I love comic books and yo-yos. I love to dress up and go to Ren Fest, not to drink, but to watch the jugglers. My desk drawer is full of juggling balls, rubik’s cubes, rubber ducks and a USB-powered missile launcher. I worry that you might think that this means I’m not professional or able to conduct myself with dignity. I actually am very professional and good at my job and I’m always careful to put the toys down before shaking a customer’s hand. Just remember, I’m a programmer, not an accountant.
There you have it. My dirty little secrets that aren’t at all secret. How do you like me now?